How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize