You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
not ubering you a puppy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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