I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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