At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
