Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
