Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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