just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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