They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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