Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
