after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
