i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
