Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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