Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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