In America we eat man semen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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