She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
