just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm too high and old for this...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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