we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
