Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
