someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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