Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
