with your own penis?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
