hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
