i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
