I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
