You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
