if you like me you must not know who I am
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize