I just pynch a tree in the face
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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