He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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