that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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