is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
