just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i've created a new STD.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
