Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
