I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
