I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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