He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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