Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
