I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
