So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
