I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
