That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
