Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
