you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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