I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
