he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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