dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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