You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
