I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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