at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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