Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
