Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
