so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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