I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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