come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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