You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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