im holly from the hills drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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