Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
