I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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