Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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