So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I smell like Dick and happiness
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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