If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
