Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
