We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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