so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize