Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
