Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
