i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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