24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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