now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
